Its Never Perfect

So, I'm gonna try to keep this brief, cuz its been a crazy week. I booked the beer commercial and I'm now an official member of The Screen Actor's Guild, which is really exciting. Having said that, let me rewind and tell you how this all came about.

In my last blog, I wrote about how much fun I had at the call back for a beer commercial and how happy I was about not having to compromise myself... Cut to about a week and a half later, my husband and I were looking at an apartment, when my phone began to ring. It was my agent. She said, "congratulations, you booked the job. The only catch, is that you need to be in LA ASAP for a wardrobe fitting and it shoots tomorrow!"

I jumped in the car, raced home, and packed my overnight bag (hoping I'd have a place to stay with one of my friends). Once I was packed, I got on the road and headed up to LA. After a very stressed two and a half hour drive, I arrived at the fitting. Everyone seemed extremely frazzled and irritated. Long story short, they wanted to put me in the tiniest of tiny clothes, booty shorts, bra tops, tiny bikinis, etc. I was horrified!!!! Lets put it this way, its winter, and I'm married... I was not prepared for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I said I was uncomfortable, they threatened to cut me from the spot, when I didn't back down, they rolled their eyes and put me in another, slightly more covered costume. It was not a good day lemme tell ya.

I had to be on set at 6:15am the next day. When I arrived on set I was told I'd be wearing a pair of tiny shorts and little plaid bomber jacket... I was so relieved. However, I shared a trailer with another girl who was booked last minute but was not told what she would be doing. Turns out, they wanted her to wear this faux fur loin cloth-type thing they'd just pinned together with safety pins. What a mess!!!! She was not happy said she was considering walking off set. No one had told her, or asked her if she was okay with being on national tv with her butt hanging out. Because she was skinny, they all just assumed she would be okay with taking her clothes off... Its just such a weird business.

It was a very long day of people yelling, "shake your ass, and look like you're having fun!" There were penguins, an actor who got burned by dry ice, ice skating, bad craft services, and I'm happy say its over with!

Please note: this is an extremely abridged version. I think its enough to say that this was an exceptionally ridiculous production and I really hope it gets better from here on out. I'm astounded by the way the women on set were treated, both principals and extras. I hope that, in the future, this production company thinks twice about the importance of disclosing pertinent information to actors and agents before the fitting or shoot date. We should have the right to make certain career decisions in the comfort of our homes and not naked in the bathroom of a production studio with an angry director waiting outside the door.

In summary, with every job, and every audition, I'm learning. I don't always enjoy the lessons but, good or bad, its growth.

Good News!... ish

So I know I promised good news to come, well, I kinda have some. First of all, I should explain the name of my blog. Schmacting is what I call it when a person is fake-acting, actingish or esque, generally going through the motions of acting without actually doing it- ie commercial acting (for me anyway). Since I still don't have a theatrical agent in LA, the majority of my auditions are for commercials. Commercials are great to supplement the ol' income (you can make a ton of money) but rarely directly benefit a person's career. In fact, many people don't know that you can't even put commercials on your resume! I know, I know, totally unfair. I also find that its very rare to have a commercial audition that involves any real opportunity for acting... perhaps this is why I book so few... will have to analyze that.

Now for my point! I had an absolutely exhausting week this week after driving up to LaLa Land three days in a row. I guess as a result of the up coming Super Bowl, or the trashy alter ego I've been developing, I had two more beer auditions... This time they were union spots that did not involve fake lesbianism or striptease of any kind! Woohoo!! They both went fine. Friday morning I thought I would have a day off but low and behold I had a callback for the Wednesday audition. I quickly got myself ready, jumped in the car and off I went. Long long long story even longer. I arrived at the casting studio, waited my turn then when into the room. Turns out I was auditioning for two different spots for the same company.

The director was a super slick laid back kinda dude and you could tell they'd all been in that room way too long. Can you say cranky? I could barely get them to smile and respond to my hi. Then the director says I'm gonna call out different ways I want you to say this line so keep going and try to be creative... This never happens, I was so excited to flex my improv muscles, I went crazy! Well, I have never made a room of people laugh so hard in my life, I couldn't believe it. They even had me audition with another girl for yet another spot after that.

I left that audition with the biggest smile on my face and a renewed sense of confidence. Who knew I was funny!?!?!? Don't know if I booked it yet, however, that's not the point of today's blog. I'm so happy to have done well. I needed that. I'll definitely blog if I booked it... if not... I'm never blogging again... Just kidding.

This Past Week

Okay, lets get down to the nitty-gritty! This last week was one of the worst audition weeks I've had in a really long time. On a positive note, I actually had auditions...

The first two auditions were on Wednesday. I left work early to head to an audition for a print ad. The company shall remain nameless (as will all companies a speak of in these here blogs). I'll just say that it was for a large company that provides products for animals. We had to pose for pics with an actual, live, non-model dog. I have to say, that dog was totally unprofessional. I guess no one told him that its considered rude to ignore your fellow actor and then hit them in the face with your nose... Needless to say, it didn't go well.

Next up, later that night, I had an audition here in San Diego for a short film. I showed up to the freezing casting studio where they promptly ushered us to another "area" where we could "relax" and run our lines. Turns out the "area" was actually outside... Yes I live in San Diego, but at night, its friggin cold!!!! What the shell? Fortunately, I got to read first. It seems that the crappier the production, the crappier people treat you. I walked into the room and was introduced to the team by the monitor... the team continued to talk amongst themselves without so much as looking up... nice. At this point, I completely stopped caring about doing well, and began concentrating on getting it over with.

The next day I had a super exciting prospect. Long long story short, I'd turned down a callback for beer campaign because I thought it was trashy (girl on girl spin the bottle, and lap-dancing). I get a call from my agent telling me that they really really want to see me. Apparently, it had gone to the director and they had changed the script. Wow, I thought! $30,000 and a trip to Chile? I'm in! So I agreed to go to the callback...
I drive all the way to LA in my shaky-mobile, arrive at the audition to learn that the script is exactly the same as before. I'm proud to say, I was professional and courteous, but stood up for myself and left... then cried the whole way home.

Had another one yesterday, a short film, it sucked too... I won't bore you with details, just run-of-the-mill bad. Hopefully, I'll have better news soon. At least the week was eventful!

Where to begin?

Why the blog? Well, friends, family and acquaintances alike, keep asking me how my auditions are going. I figured this would be a good way to keep folks updated on this part of my life and, at the same time, hopefully make people laugh with me about my ridiculous life. I swear I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I'm hoping that this will also serve as a therapeutic tool for me as well. When an audition blows up in my face, I can say to myself, "great I'll have something to blog about!" I hope you all enjoy!!!!