I'd Like To Thank the Academy

I actually watched the Oscars yesterday for the first time in a couple of years. I know, you're probably thinking, "Aren't you an actress? Isn't it required viewing?" To be honest, I normally find them incredibly boring and a little awkward. There are inevitably, sweaty teleprompter malfunctions. The presenter stumbles over their lines and the audience politely chuckles at the actor or actress' attempt to joke their way out of the embarrassing snafu. I also get extremely uncomfortable on behalf of those who don't win. I can only imagine how it feels to be told that the most important thing to ever happen to your career has just happened to someone else's career instead. Then, to have a camera shoved in your face. You have to sit there listening to someone else's acceptance speech whilst smiling and trying not to cry. Its just too much and it ends up making my feet and palms sweat. I'd rather watch Pat Boone on PBS.

Yesterday, however, I was flipping through my five channels when I saw Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin standing side by side on a gorgeous, glowing, glamorous stage. The visual was stunning. Then, I stopped, I listened, and I actually laughed. The two of them were hilarious! They playfully made fun of everyone, including themselves and the crowd took it well. George Clooney and Morgan Freeman, however, did not look amused at all, ever... Who knows maybe they were having digestive issues. (I recommend Activia)

I have to say, I felt inspired by the speeches and the overall energy of the evening. The first woman ever, won an Oscar for best director! Austrian actor Christoph Waltz won best supporting actor for his first major American movie role at the age of 53. There's hope for me yet people!!! The films that won this year, were films in which people really believed. Avatar was in production for something like ten years!!! That takes dedication!

I think that the Academy Awards served their purpose this year. They created a platform where worthwhile movies of all budgets were showcased. Important messages where communicated, and the glamour of old world Hollywood was resurrected in a time when our country needs it most. Well, if nothing more, it put a smile on my face.

The Down Days

Thinking, thinking, doing nothing, obsessing, blogging, watching tv, eating, obsessing, checking mail, hoping for random check that I have no reason to expect, getting disappointed by getting bill instead of check, more tv, checking casting websites, getting disillusioned, conserving money by not going out, eating, obsessing, blogging, tv, bed. The End. :) Could be worse, notice I didn't mention driving. (happy sigh)

I Just Don't Listen

I realized something about myself yesterday, I just don't listen sometimes... I'm gonna back track a little to explain how this revelation came about.

First, a tangent. I was driving up to La La Land yesterday, when traffic came to a stop. I was right around the same place I got stuck the other day, so I'm thinking, what? another live grenade on the side of the road? seriously? As I inched forward, I saw tire marks and a black vehicle on the shoulder with its front, right fender caved in. Traffic started picking up again as I noticed a woman standing by the car with a little boy at her side, holding a baby. As I passed them, I realized its my friend, Katie, with her little boy, Jackson and baby girl, Ruby!!!! OMG!!!! By this time I was already past her and couldn't turn around. I didn't have her number or her husband's so I, frantically, started calling everyone I know who knows her. Finally, my husband got a hold of her husband to discover that he was already on his way up to get her and that no one was hurt. Phewwww! What an unexpected thing to see!

Tangent over. As I mentioned before, I went up to LA for an audition yesterday. It was for the morning after pill... A slew of beer commercial auditions, and now the morning after pill. Seriously people, what am I projecting???? Anyway, I got up there and checked in with the casting director. We all got brought into a room where they explained what they wanted us to do for this audition. We were paired up and instructed to sit on a couch next to our partner. We were then told to "act natural" and chat with each other about ourselves. They stressed that we should try not to look at each other and face the camera as much as possible. If we did look at each other, we were told to look at the tip of the other person's nose so as not upstage ourselves. Sounds natural, right? Oh, and we were told to talk about ourselves but not about acting in anyway... So I'm supposed to talk to a complete stranger about myself and the only thing we have in common is the very thing we're not supposed to talk about. We're not allowed to look at each other but still act "warm" and "natural." Hum...

I got paired up with a really nice girl. While we waited for our turn, we chatted about various things such as weddings, hair, clothes etc. However, when we were called into the room, all I could think about was what I wasn't supposed to do. As a result I wanted to talk about acting, be negative and turn completely towards my partner and away from the camera. Panic!!! Instead of listening to what this girl was saying to me and responding like a normal person, I completely blocked her out and just continued to chuckle unnaturally and say uh huh... She was sitting there searching for things to say and I was just laughing like a fool and going uh huh and oh yeah? Wow! I was such a bad audition partner!!!! All I had to do was listen and respond. It could have been so easy! I guess they'll be no emergency contraceptive commercial in my future.

At the end of the audition I felt kinda stupid, but my audition buddy was really nice. I thought, I may not have booked a job, but I did make a new friend, which is not easy to do. We exchanged information and went on our way. I felt happy driving home. I love meeting new and interesting people and I'm always happy to make a new friend in LA... Cut to later that evening, I received a text message from my new friend asking me if I would be interested in coming to learn about Buddhism... oh no... My new friend is an evangelistic Buddhist! I have no problem entertaining different ideas and philosophies, just seems a little soon in the friendship to be converting folks, ya know. Is she a crazy? Were there signs? I think there were but I just didn't listen...

Friggin Blogtastic!!

I've done the impossible! I've signed with a theatrical agent!!!! I thought this day would never come. What does this mean? Well, I'm not exactly sure. I can tell you what it's supposed to mean. From now on, not only will I be auditioning for prune commercials etc, but I'll also be auditioning for legitimate tv shows, movies, webisodes etc.

What it actually means, remains to be seen.

The agency I signed with is small and not very well known, although, she is a really nice lady. I can't tell you how many agents (usually, fat, unhealthy looking old dudes) I've sat across from in meetings. They'll spend the entire time telling me how great they are and how long they've been in the business. Then, they'll cap things off by telling me to lower my expectations and get realistic, that I'm too old and that I need to lose weight... I'm a size 4... I must really wanna do this huh? Anyhoo, this lady is nice and basically said everything I wanted to hear. I will let you know how it all goes. Wish me luck peeps! I'm gonna need it!

Charactahs

My Sunday is boring!!!! Normally, I don't mind a slow day. My Saturday, however, also felt like a Sunday, and now Sunday feels like Sunday too. You catch my drift.

I decided to do some "work." In my field, work seems more like play. I've started to develope some of the characters I've had in my head for quite some time. There's Janelle James, the misunderstood stripper/"clothing removal artist" who doesn't understand why people don't appreciate her brand of striptease. Why wouldn't a group of men want to see a woman simultaneously stripping and interpretive-dancing the birthing process from start to finish? Or, perhaps a demonstration of the pain and frustration felt by the Aboriginal Tribes of Australia through dancing and disrobing. Then, there's Judy Bardwick, an elderly lady both terrified and riveted by modern technology. The mere act of leaving a voice mail can take an exhausting and exhilarating afternoon's work. She can't seem to leave that voicemail without meticulously spelling out her first and last name numerous times and then proceeding to talk to the end of the phone long after the machine has cut her off. More ideas anyone? My parents are so gonna regret giving me that video camera. YouTube, here I come!!!!! :)

Back to Blogness

I know, I know, its been a while. Quite frankly, I haven't had much to write about til now. Its basically been the same old chase. Random commercial auditions here and there. Nothing to blog home about. Oh, I did have one funny audition where we were taken into a room two at a time, told to make a plate for ourselves out of three different types of bread. 1) a hamburger bun, meant to represent a sandwich 2) cubes of bread, meant to represent a salad 3) a tortilla filled with bread, meant to represent a taco... We were then instructed to eat said items one at a time, pretending to enjoy each bite. The casting director actually used the word "luxuriate!" Long story short, the guy I was auditioning with ate the bread taco with so much vigor, that he ended up choking and almost vomited!!!!!! I know its mean but I almost lost my shit. That was what I like to call an over-audition!!!!!

Things had dried up a little in the commercial world lately so I decided to restart my crusade for a theatrical agent. I've been sending out headshots and resumes to absolutely every agent with an address, possibly even a few real estate agents... I finally got a response the other day and scheduled an appointment for Thursday to meet with one of these much revered agent-type beings. I showed up armed with headshot, resume, reel, and monologue. Yes that's right, I said monologue. The monologue is something every actor dreads. The concept of a person speaking for such an extended period of time with absolutely no interruptions is a little far fetched as it is, not to mention the difficulty one has finding well written material that isn't overused or overly emotional. There are tons of monologues that require the detailed retelling of a molestation, contraction of an STD, a beating by a boyfriend, or the likes. Not such a good idea to get too issuey, you never know what repressed memories you could be dragging up for your audience... Anyway, I actually struck gold with a good one a little while back, and felt confident that it was appropriate without being dull. A good fit for me, ya know. I went in, performed my monologue and actually nailed it. I couldn't believe it!! The agent loved me and basically told me right there and then that she wanted to sign me and told me to expect a call the following day. I left on cloud nine!

On my way back to SD, a couple of hours later, I received an audition notice via the usual text and email. I have to say, I'm happy to get the opportunities but these ones are always hard to take. It was an audition for an amusement park that, if I booked it, would only make me around $1000. I know that sounds nice, but if I don't book it, I've lost $40 in gas and an entire days work. This particular audition was for the following day. I would have to get back in my car and drive another 2 1/2 hrs there and 2 1/2 hrs back. Ugh! I complain, but I gotta do what I gotta do, so, I got in the car the following day (this was yesterday). I was on my way up when all of a sudden the traffic came to a grinding halt. I was sitting there in front of the Dolly Parton Monument going zero miles an hour for about 30mins! WTF! I knew it was Friday, but this was ridiculous! Turns out, there was a freakin grenade on the south bound 5!!!!! Traffic in both directions was being diverted. I called my agent to let her know that there was no way I was going to make it in time, hoping she would tell me not to worry about it and go on home. She did not tell me what I wanted to hear. Instead, she told me to call her in an hour and let her know where I was. Um no. The rate I was going, I would end up arriving in LA just in time for rush hour. This means I would have been stuck in traffic coming home. Let me put this simply, I left SD at about 12pm, by 2:30pm I hadn't even reached San Clemente at that speed I would probably reach LA at about 5pm. I would be back on the road again by about 5:30 which means I would be lucky to get home by 8pm. This is at least 8hrs of driving for one 5min audition that may or may not make me $1000 before agent fee and taxes. SO NOT WORTH IT. I turned around and went home. What a wasted day. Although, as always, it made for a good story... Oh and on a good note, that agent did call me the next day! Yay! Have to call her back on Monday. I'll keep you posted!

Its Never Perfect

So, I'm gonna try to keep this brief, cuz its been a crazy week. I booked the beer commercial and I'm now an official member of The Screen Actor's Guild, which is really exciting. Having said that, let me rewind and tell you how this all came about.

In my last blog, I wrote about how much fun I had at the call back for a beer commercial and how happy I was about not having to compromise myself... Cut to about a week and a half later, my husband and I were looking at an apartment, when my phone began to ring. It was my agent. She said, "congratulations, you booked the job. The only catch, is that you need to be in LA ASAP for a wardrobe fitting and it shoots tomorrow!"

I jumped in the car, raced home, and packed my overnight bag (hoping I'd have a place to stay with one of my friends). Once I was packed, I got on the road and headed up to LA. After a very stressed two and a half hour drive, I arrived at the fitting. Everyone seemed extremely frazzled and irritated. Long story short, they wanted to put me in the tiniest of tiny clothes, booty shorts, bra tops, tiny bikinis, etc. I was horrified!!!! Lets put it this way, its winter, and I'm married... I was not prepared for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I said I was uncomfortable, they threatened to cut me from the spot, when I didn't back down, they rolled their eyes and put me in another, slightly more covered costume. It was not a good day lemme tell ya.

I had to be on set at 6:15am the next day. When I arrived on set I was told I'd be wearing a pair of tiny shorts and little plaid bomber jacket... I was so relieved. However, I shared a trailer with another girl who was booked last minute but was not told what she would be doing. Turns out, they wanted her to wear this faux fur loin cloth-type thing they'd just pinned together with safety pins. What a mess!!!! She was not happy said she was considering walking off set. No one had told her, or asked her if she was okay with being on national tv with her butt hanging out. Because she was skinny, they all just assumed she would be okay with taking her clothes off... Its just such a weird business.

It was a very long day of people yelling, "shake your ass, and look like you're having fun!" There were penguins, an actor who got burned by dry ice, ice skating, bad craft services, and I'm happy say its over with!

Please note: this is an extremely abridged version. I think its enough to say that this was an exceptionally ridiculous production and I really hope it gets better from here on out. I'm astounded by the way the women on set were treated, both principals and extras. I hope that, in the future, this production company thinks twice about the importance of disclosing pertinent information to actors and agents before the fitting or shoot date. We should have the right to make certain career decisions in the comfort of our homes and not naked in the bathroom of a production studio with an angry director waiting outside the door.

In summary, with every job, and every audition, I'm learning. I don't always enjoy the lessons but, good or bad, its growth.